How To Work With Your Inner Child


Just like almost everyone who thinks they were a cute kid, my tolerance for my inner child is unfortunately too high. I urge you to lower your tolerance and eliminate your ability to withstand it all together. Our inner child is our gatekeeper to happiness and flow. We believe our anxiety is the “problem” but really, it’s our inner child asking for attention.

I don’t encouraging being curt or mean with your inner child, but lowering your tolerance because the more we let it run our show, the further away from love we go.

I’m sure a lot of you have read, or heard about our inner child, and how destructive it can be, if we’re unaware of how he/she/they play out.

I suggest spending some time with your inner child to find your story.

So, how can you do that? There are a few ways.

  1. Send yourself into a meditative trance and ask/ spend time with your inner child.

  2. Become aware of your stories, and your scapegoats or any sort of blaming/judgement you typically pass.

  3. When you’re in a spiral, what symptoms do you feel?

I have many stories I latch onto when I’m upset, but here are the two most common stories I fall back on.

  1. Abandonment

  2. Comparison/ Not Enough

Being a twin has greatly impacted my inner child.

Little Tori is afraid of abandonment. She’s scared that the people closest to her will leave her willingly, no matter how attached or in love they may be. 

That’s why any relationship I had, I gave in, and I let myself get lost in the other person because I was scared they would leave me.

My attitude was simple: I found a gold mine and it’s mine to lose. It was always my fault when a relationship fell apart or fights were had.

When I get down to facts, my twin sister almost died at child birth and she fought for her survival, weighing only 4 lbs. 

Her survival will impact her differently, however, it also impacted me, because I almost lost my second half.

My sister and I grew up inseparable, thick as thieves, so close in fact that my parents use to put us in our separate beds and cribs as toddlers, only to find us in the same crib together in the mornings. 

So, when my sister was taken out of the French Immersion program in grade 6, my life fell apart because I didn’t know who I was. She was my glue, my vertebrae, my left leg - and something as simple as moving classrooms was a big deal. 

Little Tori also likes to compare herself to others… A LOT.

I was compared to my sister my entire life, physically and emotionally. This comparison continues to last until present day, and it probably won’t ever go away because this is my story. My story that I’m not as good as this person, or I’m not worthy enough as that person, they look like they’re doing better than me blah blah blah - so I send myself into a self-sabotaging spiral that only destroys all flow or momentum.

My comparison has gotten my into big trouble, losing relationships, creating animosity and unnecessary jealousy with my close friends when all it is, is simply my inner child looking for her own identity. I don’t regret any of it for I had to walk this path in order to completely understand why I did the things I did and why I chose to perceive certain situations with one single lens.

When I can become aware of this, I can catch myself and realize that I don’t want to walk any other path than my own.

That is the contract you signed when you entered this life - this is YOUR life, and quite honestly you wouldn’t be able to walk another’s path because it’s not meant to be yours.

This is the Universal Law of Relativity

Each person receives certain situations relative to what they need to learn in order to strengthen their inner light - the whole point is to stay connected to our hearts, and love while we are being tested. We are to never compare ourselves to another’s situations for there is someone who is experiencing something much more difficultly. No problem is ever given to you that you cannot handle, for the only happiness worth searching for is the happiness that resides within you.                                                                                                                                              

Everything happens in its own time, and there isn’t anything you can do to speed it up or slow it down.

Almost anytime you feel anxiety, it’s your inner child trying to tell you something.

I was in a yoga class this past Monday and I chose a vinyasa flow and I was having a hard time breathing deeply throughout the entire class.

My sacral chakra fires up whenever I’m in need of tuning in, it’s my reminder to listen to my intuition and it was blowing the fuck up.

I could actually hear my inner child cry. She was afraid of being seen, and waiting for something bad to happen. She was upset and she knew that I wasn’t listening, so she grew louder and louder, and the knot in my stomach grew tighter and tighter until I sat with her, in my arms telling her it was all going to be okay. 

In all honesty, I’m not sure why she was acting up, but it’s okay, we don’t have to know - we don’t need to form attachment in order to understand the situations, we can simply be aware that it just is and let it go.

I had to coddle her the entire class through many ups and downs in order for her to fully let her guard down, and she finally did.

See, our inner children, don’t need to have a reason to get upset, for we won’t always know the answer to every problem, but we still face it when it comes up.

They’re trying to get our attention because they want to work through it just as much as we do. Our inner children are showing up for us and they’re usually showing us our shadow aka our fear.

Anxiety is anticipated fear. When we choose to give into our story that our anxiety is trying to show us, we’re projecting and asking for it to happen. Anxiety is only showing you how to get back onto the path of flow, the path you have been walking.

There is nothing serious going on here, as my coach tells me, and it’s true, there isn’t anything serious that needs addressing - it’s just the act of witnessing that can totally change a situation around from negative to comical or positive within an instant.

xoxo Tori

Tori Swanson